Great Post on "Good-Byes"

"Freedom comes when you learn to let go.
Creation comes when you learn to say no”.
- Lyrics from the song The Power of Goodbye by Madonna


There’s no greater power than the power of goodbye. These words from my car stereo echoed in my head during a recent 3:00 am cruise around the city inspired by a bout of insomnia. I had listened to this Madonna CD hundreds of times before but that night the words cut deep into my heart. Music has always been a mystical princess that guides me when I’m searching for answers about life. This night she didn’t let me down.

Knowing when to say goodbye and truly letting go has been one of the most difficult challenges I’ve faced in my life. I’m not a man that likes to say goodbye and I certainly struggle with letting go of people that greatly matter to me even when it’s obvious it’s time for our paths to part. In an ideal world everything we desire would manifest and unfold perfectly according to our plan. In an ideal world all the decisions we face would be black and white thus making them easy and obvious choices. In an ideal world we would know exactly when and how to say goodbye. But for the majority of us our worlds are rarely ideal. We must deal with deep hidden emotions, confusion, mixed messages, incomplete information, attachment, and childhood wounds. The result is one big blob of gray blending everything above into a soupy, contorted mess. From this soupy mess we are faced with making key life decisions.

As we spiritually, emotionally, and intellectually mature we hopefully gain some wisdom along the way that causes our life decisions to take into account a bigger picture perspective. I have found this to be pretty true with one exception. The exception concerns affairs of the heart…i.e. romantic love. All the rules seem to get thrown out the window when it comes to affairs of the heart. Yet, it is with these affairs of the heart situations that we must scratch and claw our way to our highest wisdom to dictate our actions.

One of the most common relationship issues that I observe in my coaching practice, and admit has happened before in my life, is people getting involved with someone is who emotionally unavailable because they have not achieved true closure in a prior key relationship. The result is that the previous relationship becomes a ‘dangler’ within the new relationship. That unfinished business silently erodes the new relationship’s possibilities. The ‘dangler’ energy lurks behind the scenes and slowly invades the new relationship like a cancer. As the old saying goes “Two’s company…three’s a crowd.”

Embracing the power of goodbye requires us to be very clear of what we want in life including relationships. We must learn to say goodbye when a relationship, of any form, is holding us back from being all that we can be. I’m not suggesting that we don’t give someone a second chance. I do believe that in a significant life relationship a commitment to see things through the difficult times is critical. But multiple chances become unhealthy when they continually fail to forward the growth and momentum of the relationship. Love is not about possessing. Love is about bringing freedom into another’s life. Love isn’t about pain. Love is about soaring.

So how do you know when it’s time to say goodbye? Again I turn to the lyrics from Madonna’s song, “Pain is a warning the something is wrong…there’s nothing left to try…there’s no place left to hide…there’s nothing left to lose…there’s no more heart to bruise.” Those lyrics pretty well sum it up yet even those signals are confusing.

The most effective way to identify when it’s time to say goodbye is to know and honor your “losing yourself” boundaries. Those are the boundaries that if you allow someone to violate them you have compromised who you are. For example, I am a soul that deeply desires to have a relationship in which I soar to the highest reaches of the sky with my partner. I strive to be in relationships with someone that equally desires to climb and soar together with me. The most powerful lyric in Madonna’s song, at least for me, goes “Do you wanna go higher?” When the actions from my partner indicate they have lost interest in going higher…then I know my ‘losing myself” boundary has been breeched and it’s time for me to seriously consider saying goodbye. Ultimately, it’s time to say goodbye when you must sacrifice ‘you’ for love.

What are your “losing yourself” boundaries? Do you have dangling relationships in your life that are hindering a new relationship? If you do, then getting clear of your “losing yourself” boundaries will go a long ways towards empowering you to truly say goodbye. If that clarity doesn’t make it obvious then you might consider giving that relationship one more shot because you may have left it prematurely.

My inspiration to you this day is to embrace the power of saying goodbye. You cannot unlatch the lock of the new door until you’ve completely released and latched the lock of the old door. Learn to say goodbye. Yearn to say goodbye when you know it’s time. Creation comes when you learn to say no.

Till Next Time – May You Empower Your Life,
Tom


Lyrics to Madonna ~ The Power Of Good Bye
Your heart is not open so I must goThe spell has been brokenI loved you soFreedom comes when you learn to let goCreation comes when you learn to say noYou were my lesson I had to learnI was your fortress you had to burnPain is a warning that something's wrongI pray to God that it won't be longdo you wanna go higherThere's nothing left to tryThere's no place left to hideThere's no greater power than the power of good-byeYour heart is not open so I must goThe spell has been brokenI loved you soYou were my lesson I had to learnI was your fortressThere's nothing left to loseThere's no more heart to bruiseThere's no greater power than the power of good-byeLearn to say good-byeI yearn to say good-byeThere's nothing left to tryThere's no more places to hideThere's no greater power than the power of good-byeThere's nothing left to loseThere's no place left to hideThere's no greater power than the power of good-bye


Tom LaRotonda works with collaborative partners across the world through his organization, Core Matters, to help transform people, organizations, and communities. He is a speaker, transformation mentor, writer, facilitator, visionary and a former internationally known internet radio talk show host..

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